she was so not down for the gang bang
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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