I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
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