shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
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