you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
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