So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
