I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Randomize
