I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
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