Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Randomize
