But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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