Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Randomize
