next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
