I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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