Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
