My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
