If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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