How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
