My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
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