There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
