god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize
