I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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