Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Randomize
