And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Even my vagina gasped.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Randomize
