you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
