I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
You need a sexual gate keeper
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
