Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Randomize
