when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
