we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Randomize
