Your dad touched me again.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Randomize
