Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
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