Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
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