don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
