one two three fourrrrnication!
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Who died my cat blue again?
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
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