I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Less talking, more tequila
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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