Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Randomize
