remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
