woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Randomize
