I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Boobs speak an international language.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize
