Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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