I faked an abortion last night.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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