The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I have aggressive nipples.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
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