Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
