I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
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