your parents love me but you hate me
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
