No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
