i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Randomize
