there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
