Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Randomize
