You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
