wakey wakey hands off snakey
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
