lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
I made him laugh his dick is mine
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
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