my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
My vagina just clenched in fear
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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