You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Randomize
