Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
