I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
