Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
