it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
